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Limericks

Sam's Ode to Deja

It was all Sam's fault when he wrote his ode to deja on Jan 24, 2001:

Ode to Deja [by S.Rusling]

There was a young man with strong views
Who wished to express them through news
His apetite insatiable,
On all things debateable
But Deja did give him the blues.

What at first was called DejaNews
Is so bad as to warrant abuse
It's a mishap,
complete utter crap
And extremely annoying to use.

The Limerick Contest

Michael Biggs wrote:
Inspired by Sams day at work I propose a limerick competition.

Please write an entry on the subject of your choice (preferably vaguely related to arc-t).

Here is my entry.

The now is a group called arc-t,
Part of the alt hie'rachy,
Some posters are cheesy,
While others are sleazy,
But mostly the content brings glee.

The Limericks

The contest ended up being a "conversation" of sorts, but since many limericks had multiple "responses", it seemed to me that it would be near impossible to present them in order. So instead, I have them here by author, but you can also click the "next in thread" link(s) after each limerick if you'd like to follow the threads of the conversation. Once I get a good number of limericks added and can figure out where the conversation's beginning is, I'll add a "start here" link as well.

Mike Bigg

I think thats a bit harsh young Steve,
I think you should probably leave,
Your slander is horrid,
The references, torrid,
I'm sorry I just can't believe.

That...

God would send people to Hell,
The untruth rings out like a bell,
For God is so kindly,
Folks follow Him blindy,
So go shove your head down a well.

Mike Bigg
Previous in thread - Steve
Next in thread - Steve

But then Pastor Dave is a twit,
Into arc-t he don't fit,
His theories are nonsense,
Where is his conscience?
In fact he's a big hypocrit!

Mike Bigg
Previous in thread - Steve
Next in thread - Steve
Next in thread - wersh

A change, then, of topic it is!
Lets choose a subject with fizz.
A rhyming debate,
Served up on a plate,
About how He's yours and you're His.

Mike Bigg
Previous in thread - Steve
Next in thread - Jon Downie
Next in thread - Steve

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Jon Downie

Oh what a surprise to me Nick That you would write a limerick I thought you conversed In only free verse And this rhyming stuff made you sick.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - nick Next in thread - nick
There was once a group called arc-t Whose King was a nethead called Steve He drew up the site And stopped all the fights Except those involving auntie!
There was once a threesome online Who thought that young sammy was fine They patted his head And took him to bed And posted some photos online.
There was once a handsome young man Who posted via his Uni's LAN He loved its fast speed But did not take heed Of his now growing army of fans.
Forgive me for the piggy back I just don't want to lose track I will look below And a reply shall follow Before I get bored and hit the sack	Jon Downie Next in thread - wersh
As one and all shall find out Serving God is what life is about Sin may feel good God made sure it would But within marriage, not without.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - Mike Bigg
You may know that I like to rhyme It's the best way to pass off my time I just love to write A line that looks just right It gives a buzz that is sublime.
You may think I'm blabbering on And my sense of replying is gone. I just thought I'd help Before you all yelped And could not think of what to speak on.
Ignore that man Pastor Dave He forgot that God wants to save The whole of mankind Who are still walking blind And ignore the gifts that he gave. Like Scatty and Wille et all Pastor Dave is just up the wall He says he is right But justs posts such s***e Just don't listen to him at all.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - Steve
Oh Steve hear me out if you please You just need some Rennie's RapEze To settle your tum And turn you from glum To a smilie with pearly white teeth	Jon Downie Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - wersh
We know that young Sammie is lame And his flaming get just so tame He forgot how to smile And all of the while He thought we were plaing a game	Jon Downie Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - wersh
Nay lakes will be not on the cards Loch Ness is ever so far You'd run out of steam And fall down and dream Of getting a drink from the bar.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - wersh
A monster, Sir Stevie is not. Though he may be covered in green snot. Just give him a break And throw him a steak And you'll curse that big lying thought.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - Steve
Oh wershie we all are aware That you want to see young sammy bare. For you love him so And that goes to show That your eyes will fuzz up when you stare.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - wersh
Nay you see I do not drink Alcohol for it just stinks It gives me sore heads And sends me to bed For longer than doctors may think.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - wersh
Ye Nicketh, you're terribly slow. To arc-t do wand'ring souls go. That chat up our sam And get in a jam From writing replies far too slow.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - nick
Oh Steve, your plaice is now found Fillet as a fishy hound. Your cheeks are whiting The room they are lighting You chips are potato round.	Jon Downie Previous in thread - Steve
Yea Steve we forgive even thee and pardon we do with much glee. For we love not the sight Of thee rembling with fright as you run from mild mannered old me. Why, you will ask, shall I run For Jon D is not the punishing one? Oh yes, I reply, Look here is why. I am standing right here with a gun!	Jon Downie Previous in thread - Steve

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Christopher Nelson

A time ago I did frequent arc-t
And a good time was had by they and me
But then the real world
Around me ev'ly swirled
And trapped me to sadly post erratically

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nick

I was thinking of something to write, But my head could produce not one light, So I jumped off a bridge, And rose from the dead, And brought less of a limmy' than fright.	nick Next in thread - Jon Downie
I rhyme in any style of verse, from haiku to hymnal to shakespeare's curse, though free verse I use, with rhyming abused, It gives me that freedom to mispell WerSH.	nick Previous in thread - Jon Downie Next in thread - Steven Next in thread - wersh
Oh my dear wersh what a trajedy To like such a film is apostacy Why not a Coen? A Kubrick or Stone... Or God forbid the Aronofsky.	nick Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - Steve Next in thread - wersh
The abode of condemned souls and devils, for misery, gambling; that Sheol! intensive... informal a discarded wormhole What defines this Hades; abysmal!	nick Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - nick

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Steven Schrader

I hope multiple entries are okay Your rules up above really don't say I typed up a few and sent them to you And with any luck they'll make your day. :)	Steven Schrader Next in thread - wersh
I often find myself in arc-t The voices, I tell you, they make me I don't want to be here but I'm driven by fear won't you please put me out of my mis'ry?	Steven Schrader Next in thread - wersh
There is a grand threesome in arc-t For some reason they don't include me I could be on the top But instead I just mop I guess I'll just wait for the orgy	Steven Schrader Next in thread - wersh
jon seymour, mike biggs, david shipley j chang, clay, jane hall, blade, jon downie steve schrader, renita mich, nick, okamura leslie, amy, wersh, sam, charos, auntie!	Steven Schrader Next in thread - wersh
I can't believe you did that nick your spelling of wersh makes me sick if I were God, well I would send you to hell So stop being such a huge dick!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - nick Next in thread - Mike Bigg Next in thread - wersh
From talking to good Pastor Dave I now know how God will behave he'll rip out your soul and spit in the hole and dump rat feces in your grave!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - Mike Bigg Next in thread - Mike Bigg Next in thread - Jon Downie Next in thread - wersh
I'll try to see what I can do I'll rhyme in my response to you but these darn allergies make it hard not to sneeze and all I can say is ACHOOOOO!!!!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - wersh
If what you are saying is true I don't know quite what I will do you see, no offense but it doesn't make sense to spend my new lease on life with you!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - wersh
Then I take back what I said before! I don't mean it, no, not anymore! I'm glad to join in But I have one question Now who's going to mop up the floor?	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - wersh
I suppose that you have a point there That pastor gave me a good scare No more fear will he pass With his head up his ass Is a change of topic drawing near?	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - Mike Bigg Next in thread - Mike Bigg
Oh, I heard everything that he said I've got most of it stored in my head but hey, you know me and my poor memory perhaps I should write things down instead?	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - wersh
I had something more simple in mind A more light-hearted topic to find like some music or art pick a film and we'll start let's stay far from that debating grind. :)	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - Mike Bigg Next in thread - wersh
He seems to be sticking around because we are standing our ground so let's have some fun has the flaming begun? come on everyone gather round!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - wersh
Thank you for helping me out with the mess coming out of my snout but it seems that this thread is becoming dead oh dear, I think I'm gonna pout. :(	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - Jon Downie
But my fingers are becoming sore I don't think I can type anymore and what to discuss all they do here is cuss! And that Sam, boy, he's just one big bore!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - Jon Downie
So it's Tess now, and no longer Jake? Thats a change that's a bit hard to take! But she's busy with drinks not an option methinks... Perhaps we'd best move to a lake?	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - Jon Downie
I'm really not that into steak whether you deep fry or broil or bake But I do enjoy fish when it's served as a dish so please offer some trout - That I'll take	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - Jon Downie
Well that's not really surprising, is it? He's not quite the epitome of wit His weakness is clear and I'll state it right here He can dish out the shit but can't take it	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh
Well, I'm wondering what Steve did to AI If he screws it up he may have to die Stanley Kubrick is dead But they'll still have Steve's head if Spielberg doesn't give it his best try!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - nick
That film with Sarah Michelle Gellar? I think I threw it in the cellar now I'll turn of the light and I'll forget that fright and return to enjoying Old Yeller. :P	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh
If you want me to leave it's no task all you needed to do is just ask and I'll head out the door no longer to bore with my talk of that movie "The Mask"	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh
Stanley Kubrick, well he is the one who gave us the film 2001 he bared many a butt in that film Eyes Wide Shut but he didn't do Episode One!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh Next in thread - wersh Next in thread - Jon Downie
Well then let's try another of his his work on Clockwork Orange, well it is a work of delight I could watch it all night That Stanley Kubrick sure is a wiz!	Steve Schrader Previous in thread - wersh

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wersh

Make entries in mass if you please Since making them is quite a cool breeze The more that we get The better the set When writing, tho, try not to sneeze	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
'Tis arc-t where you find your true peace It's where friends come in flocks like geese But the best part of all Is this gift, magical: On your life you've been giv'n a new lease	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
A foursome we'll make it for you! I've heard that you like to be blew So a bottom you'll be For sweet lil nicky While sixty-nining with Sam the shrew And no I did not forget me A top to my sweet nick I'll be A foursome we'll make (And the bed we'll break) And all will be filled with glee!	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
Indeed, an asshole he is I think he comes from showbiz An act he puts on I think he's a con Perhaps he'll run out off fizz	wersh Previous in thread - Mike Bigg Next in thread - Steve
Paying attention you've obviously not If that's all you've learned from the snot Your soul will be torn Your patience worn With Jackel for eternity shall be brought	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
Your defence of wersh is just swell I'm hoping his foolery it'll quell But if it does not I'll go find the snot And wring his neck like a bell!	wersh Previous in thread - Steve
The names, they swirl all around! I feel like I'm in a dog pound! They chatter away The whole of the day It's a ruckus to hear such a sound!	wersh Previous in thread - Steve
It's wersh, not WerSH, you jerk You just want to see me berserk Well failed you have You foolish calf You're really just one big quirk :P	wersh Previous in thread - nick
A tissue I'll hand you with ease Since always you must choose to sneeze So wipe up your snot You've got such a lot And try to be more clean if you please	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
When new life has been giv'n to you You must show the appreciation due 'Tis us who did give So now you may live So live here you must, it is true.	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
All over the floor, such a mess! It must be mopped, I confess... So who can we find This task to bind Well, why not the bartender, Tess?	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
Pearly white teeth in a mouth such as his Tis a feat to be 'complished, it is For crusty and slimey His mouth is plain grimey And out of the sides comes green fizz!	wersh Previous in thread - Jon Downie Next in thread - Jon Downie
But with Sam all of life is a game And if you don't play its a shame For fun's to be had Unless you're a cad And then, only you are to blame	wersh Previous in thread - Jon Downie Next in thread - Jon Downie
But oh what a dream that would be From Tess, taking drinks with such glee A wonderful dream To the utmost extreme I think that you'd have to agree!	wersh Previous in thread - Jon Downie Next in thread - Jon Downie
You'd lose your paper and pen! Just what would you do then? Lost you would be, With no memory, Back to hell you would go, again!	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - nick
The coward can't face the heat He can't take the flames that I mete So where have I gone? His killfile (yawn) He just cannot face his deceit.	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve
Well how about Cruel Intentions? Its cast had few abstentions The plot was great The crew first rate And the show was full of fun tensions	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - nick Next in thread - Steve
The sack you must hit, you fool, And while you sleep do not drool For slobber is gross In such a huge dose And makes you belong in preschool	wersh Previous in thread - Jon Downie
There is an odd chap named Sam Whose posts to arc-t are a sham But he doesn't care Because he's a chair At the Uni of Who Gives a Damn
Another odd man is Steve Who doesn't know what to believe He posts without fail Which gives us much ail And oh I just wish he would leave	wersh Next in thread - Steve
And then there's the lass named mich She's quite the BFF bitch It's her constant crave And nonstop rant and rave Which is why she got tossed in a ditch
nick is another fine lad that I know And oh can that fine young man blow! He's a fantastic lay Who loves to make play I was quite sad to see him go
Another young lad is Mike Bigg He's really quite a strange fig But brag all he will It will only cause ill For larger a grave he must dig
Another strange man is J Chang His posts appear with a bang Short and sweet they seem But really I deem Their author's an orangutang
Who next but the fine girl named Les She's really quite a huge mess Hide it she might All day and nite In the end I'm sure she'll confess
Renita's another fine reg Who's posts are quite the rare egg But when they appear Oh, what a dear Then for more we always must beg
For drugs its to Charos we turn But only with money to burn With the sales that he makes He keeps quite large takes It's how he must stifle his yearn
Chris Nelson has finally popped in To rejoin this group of his kin Dearly we missed him Now things are less grim For arc-t without Chris is a sin
Downie the Wanker is last A constant blast from the past We wish he would stay Either here or away But like a yoyo he seems to be cast
These names, I've heard not, I swear, My knowledge of films is quite bare.... I've seen just a few, And not much that's new, For me to know a good movie is rare! )c:]	wersh Previous in thread - nick Next in thread - Steve
"Bared butts and eyes wide shut" Perhaps the tagline for a slut? What an episode that'd be From good ole Stanley If he had stripped and made his own smut...	wersh Previous in thread - Steve Next in thread - Steve

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Stats

This is just some odds and ends related to the Limerick contest thread that I thought I'd include. Actually, this is mostly here so that the following the conversation deal will work right with the above limericks. :)

Date of the First Limerick - January 24, 2001
Date of the Last Limerick - April 5, 2001

Total Number of Limericks Posted - 79

Most Limericks Posted - wersh - 31
Fewest Limericks Posted - Chris Nelson - 1

Now wasn't that just so informative?? :)