Archives | Humour
"Why do the non Christians"

From Wed Jan 20 18:24:10 1999
Date: Sun, 03 Jan 1999 19:16:03 +0000
From: AntiSocial (
Newsgroups: alt.religion.christian-teen
Subject: Re: Why do the non Christians (response)

Oh shit (throws hands up while laughing intensely). Where the hell do you get your info? Oh wait, I shouldn't ask you that. It might be that ridicule is one of those things that's keeping me from loving Jesus. Or is it all just Satan's doing? No, no, wait, I'm repressing my true feelings about Jesus and God to make myself feel better about my inferiority to them, right? Or maybe I'm just too dumb to realize that just because they deny all logic they're governing all aspects of my life. Is that it? Well, I'd flame you but my inner turmoil isn't too high right now. My illogical side is kinda repressing my sanity and rational thinking for the moment, so I guess Jesus is trying to tell me something. Oh wait, I'm getting something! It's a message from God sent directly to my heart. My nerves have decided to compensate for his lack of aim and send the message to my brain so that it can be processed. He's telling me that I'm a sinner, and that I need to repent, and that I need to thank you for allowing him to use you to get to me enough that he could do some work on my feelings. And he's telling me that if I don't do as I'm told I'll burn in hell. Now he's sending me all sorts of pretty pictures of heaven and, I can feel myself... sliding into... his... embrace... NO! My sanity and reason have both decided to gang up on my illogical side. They've just beat my illogical side senseless and now are proceeding to do a number on God! There's a left jab, and a right, and another right, and a left hook from my rational side. God's reeling and... POW! Right into the grasp of my Sanity. Sanity has him in a bear-hug and, WE HAVE A SUPLEX!!! Sanity has just suplexed God into the ground. God's on the ropes, he's looking a little run-down when out of nowhere my sanity and rational side hit him with a double close-line! God is out of the ring. He's down, and it doesn't look like he's getting back up. The ref is conferring with the judges... they're deep in discussion... irrationality is saying something about a double team... the judges are shaking their heads... the ref is stepping up to the mike and... Yes! We have a confirmed win for the mighty tag-team of Sanity and Rationality.